I’ll tell you what…I am the biggest Seinfeld fan EVER!  Pure genius.  All of it.  The best of the best has to be “The Strike” episode.  The episode that introduces us to Festivus.  Not a fan?  Let me explain…

Festivus is a fictitious holiday created by Frank Costanza.  It all started, again, when Kramer heard about this holiday created by Frank years previous and wanted to know about it. Below is the conversation between Kramer and Frank.

Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?

Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born . . . a Festivus for the rest of us!

Cosmo Kramer: That must’ve been some kind of doll.

Frank Costanza: She was.

Festivus has 4 basic components to it:

• Festivus Pole - A plain aluminum pole is used as this tradition’s only decoration. Frank loves it because of it’s “very high strength to weight ratio.” Unlike the Christmas tree, it has no tinsel, as Frank finds it “distracting.”
• Festivus Dinner - This is pretty much a standard meal that is supposed to be very filling comfort food that has no relation to other traditional holiday food. Things like meat loaf and pasta.
• The Airing of Grievances - At the dinner table whilst eating, each person let’s everyone know about who has disapointed them that year.   “I got a lot of problems with you people!”
• The Feats of Strength - The head of the household or Festivus host chooses one person to test their strength against. Festivus isn’t over until someone pins the host to the ground. Festivus law also states that the person chosen can choose to decline the challenge if they have something better to do.

There you have it, the origin and how to go about celebrating this glorious holiday! Festivus is traditionally celebrated on December 23rd, but really can be celebrated anytime due to no specific time constraining rules.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to to give you all a special Festivus gift. It’s a gift that was good enough for George Costanza to give everyone, so it’s my gift to all of you! HAPPY FESTIVUS!!!

I’ll tell you what…i found this online and wanted to share…

CHRISTMAS EATING TIPS:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.   Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.  

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two.  It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy.  Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.   

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?   

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s.      You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table     while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.   

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again. 

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three.  When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. 

I’ll tell you what…This holiday season, make sure the gift you give tells that special someone how you really feel about them - use this handy guide called “If Christmas Presents Were Honest.” (Holy Taco).  High-larious.

I’ll tell you what….As some of you have already discovered, the Elf Yourself website is back. This year, OfficeMax’s viral holiday site has partnered with JibJab, so it offers a few more capabilities, including the ability to choose several dances.Head to the site to upload photos and send your videos. Do it.  You know you want to.

I’ll tell you what…I love this time of year. I love everything about it. The cheesy songs, the cheesy decorations…the cheesy logs.

Growing up, my family had a bunch of Christmas traditions. Traditions that still make an appearance every year. Christmas Eve is the big event in our family. My father barricades himself in the kitchen and cooks a giant seafood dinner. Crab. Lobster. Shrimp. Cheesy logs. We open gifts and sing carols. It’s an old fashioned Griswald Christmas, to say the least. (By the way, that movie is must-see every year around this time. “Christmas Vacation”. Watch it. Seriously.)

This year hopes to bring on new traditions. I just got married in September. My new bride is really good at sledding, so I’m sure it’s going to become a yearly thing—as long as there is snow to slide on! Really good at sledding, you ask? She is very proud of being able to hang with the boys. Jump off the ramps. Go down the hill backwards at warp speed. Seriously, she loves it and will talk your ear off about it if you ask. Creating some new holiday traditions with my wife will be a priority this year. I can’t wait!

Merry Christmas! And here’s to the holiday season! Bring on the Egg Nog.

I’ll tell you what…I’d just like to be the 876th person to remind you to vote tomorrow.”But I’m too thirsty to vote,” you say.  Problem solved: Starbucks is offering free coffee to all voters on Tuesday.

“But I don’t drink coffee, and I am actually quite hungry,” you say.  Problem solved again: Krispy Kreme is giving voters free star-shaped donuts “with patriotic sprinkles.”

“Hey, you know what? Donuts are stupid, and I’m still starving,” you say.  Look no further: Ben & Jerry’s is giving away free ice cream tomorrow. Everyone loves ice cream! But here’s the catch: You have to vote first.

If you have time to read this blog between all of the stops to your local polling location and free-food destinations…Godspeed!

You’re welcome.

I’ll tell you what…for the fifth time in two decades, Pepsi has unveiled a new logo which should hit stores early next year. And along with Pepsi’s transformation, Sierra Mist and Mountain Dew have also gotten a new look.  Do we likey?

I’ll tell you what…Taylor Swift is the latest celeb to put that goo on her upper lip and promote milk.  I like it.  It’s a great pic and it’s working:  I was going to have a slice of pizza for lunch, but now I think I will pound a glass of milk.  She says “Anything that promotes good health is something that I believe in,” she says. “Drinking milk is a priority for me.” 

It does a body good!